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When I think about all of the phrases, anecdotes, and sayings about the power of the spoken word I am reminded of how I changed my way of communicating with children upon learning Play Therapy principles.I realize that using Play Therapy based language is a learned and practiced skill that requires time and effort, so I thought it would be helpful to share ten commonly used phrases parents say to their kids.” This gives the child respect and responsibility for their actions.I can’t tell you the number of times I hear that phrase when around other parents, even though it is highly ineffective.You can always rephrase the sentence from a negative to a positive, which will correct the behavior without sounding critical.Train yourself to say what you want them to do instead of what you don’t. Notice the common element is starting with the word “you” and then acknowledging what they worked at, rather than what you think about it.The former acknowledges that the child already figured out the problem, but is still comforting.
You might say, “Erin, if you choose to poke your sister again, you choose to not watch TV for the rest of the day”.
First, you are threatening a child, which makes them fearful of you.
Second, the threat is usually not something that is feasible to do (we are going home, you are going straight to bed, you don’t get dinner, you are grounded for a week, etc.) What we say in frustration is not only impractical but easily forgettable. You can train yourself to be clear and concise, using choices.
This clearly communicates the expectation and the consequence, without a threat.
Parents tend to want control all of the time, and it takes work to allow kids to have freedom to do what they choose.